Patron Saint of Old Maids

I am no Saint, but I was named for one. Well, actually I was named for my Aunt (our family’s own Saint), and she for my grandmother. But originally the name is one of a Saint, despite it predating Christianity. In Catholicism every Saint has a cause they’re associated with. Saint Christopher the Patron Saint of Travellers, Saint Francis the Patron Saint of Animals, Saint Michael the Patron Saint of Battle.

Saint Catherine is the Patron Saint of Old Maids.

A fact that was made known to me from a young age.

The 25th of November is Saint Catherine’s Day, celebrated in different ways around the world. In France women over 25 are called “Catherinettes”, and they wear ridiculous hats and pray to Saint Catherine to be saved from spinsterhood. In Quebec they make taffy for boys. And in England they light fireworks.

I am very single. By all accounts earlier eras would have called me a spinster. At 38 I have no prospects of marriage. These are all the things women aren’t supposed to say out loud. I’m not supposed to openly admit to the fact that I haven’t been asked on a date in a full decade.

To be single for a very long period of time is an unusual thing. When I have tried the app thing it’s not a subject that tends to come up. Or rather, I’m not given the chance to explain. Often times I’m asked what’s wrong with me from the get go. Why have I never been married, how come my longest relationship is under a year, they are determined to find out what exactly the deep dark demon I’m hiding must be.

The truth is rather boring.

In my 20s I was very sick, and I tried to date but the men I ended up with treated me terribly. In my 30s I was trying to figure out my career. Overall though, it’s not like I’ve been turning men away. I’m tall, large, and independent. I like to read books. I’ve been told by many men that I’m intimidating, which is both ridiculous and information I was given unprompted.

There’s also the little matter that in a conservative town I’m an atheist, feminist, environmentalist, left-leaning vegan.

In short I’m single because no one is asking.

Society tells me I should have more shame about this. That I should feel sad that I haven’t found a partner. In truth the only time I get a bit sad is when I’m with all my friends who are happily married. But then I remember that their journey is not mine.

A few years ago I decided to look into Saint Catherine. I wanted to know more about this woman and why all the single ladies were being lumped in with her.

As it turns out, Saint Catherine of Alexandria was a badass.

Catherine was a Princess, and more than anything she loved to read. When she was 14 the Emperor Maxentius started to persecute Christians. Having been a convert herself she went to him to challenge his cruelty. The Emperor made Catherine debate 50 different pagan scholars. And she won every argument. Not only did she win, she was so convincing that some even converted on the spot.

Not one to let a teenage girl win, Catherine was whipped until her whole body was wounded and her blood ran in streams before being thrown in prison. Through the ordeal she refused to cry or look afraid. This of course pissed off Maxentius even more and her punishment was to go without food. Catherine was meant to starve to death.

While she was in prison 200 people came to see her, including the emperor’s wife. All of them converted. And all of them were killed. After 12 days of starvation she emerged even more beautiful from her cell. Feeling as he couldn’t win through torture Maxentius decided he would marry Catherine.

Catherine refused.

She told him that she was married to Jesus. Maxentius flew into a rage and ordered her to be tortured on a spiked wheel (now known as a Catherine wheel). It is said that when Catherine touched the wheel it shattered. As a last resort the emperor finally ordered her to be beheaded.

When the time came it was Catherine who told the executioner to start.

Hundreds of years later a cult was started in her name. Centuries after that men would try to hold her up as an example of chastity, twisting her actual life into their own uses.

In reality the story of Catherine is that of a strong, independent, woman. She dedicated herself to learning things, and challenged the injustice she saw around her. Being a young woman the men in charge recognized her as a threat. When they could not best her mind they laid siege to her body. When her body withstood the pain, they tried to conquer her sexuality. And when she rebuked them they tried to take her life. But Catherine had the final word.

At any point in time Catherine could have conformed to what society wanted from her. She would have lived, and it would have been easier.

It is always easier to follow the path before us. To challenge the normal way of this is to expose yourself to ridicule and judgement. The walk can be a lonely one. But if you are willing to step out on your own, you will find that when it comes to the end of the road it will be you who has determined your fate.